House Chores
208.7?
I woke up at 3AM this morning and I did a dance workout that made me laugh and feel good and I didn’t even realize I was exerising. I just found this random video on YouTube for 30 min to do and it was good. I didn’t love doing it but I did it and and it went by faster than I thought it would.
I was feeling so good after work yesterday and I was feeling good this morning until after I showered and realized that my partner moved the couch. I like having the couch close to the coffee table so I can reach it but he keeps moving it back because he thinks it looks dumb the way I have it.
It pisses me off so much because I have to move it back every morning and its a whole thing because it messes up the area rug and everything has to be adjusted. I thought my hormones were back on track because, like I said, I was feeling so much better than I did on the weekend but those over the top angry emotions are back and I allowed such a minor thing to piss me off.
I feel really irritated because this whole house is a mess. There is dust everywhere, the shower is full of soap scum and mildew and the dishes have been in the sink for 2 days. The house needs to be cleaned but I don’t want to do it and I refuse to do it by myself all the time. Aaron doesn’t mop the floors or clean the toilet and the walls. I do and it’s pissing me off. I also refuse to do it because I don’t want to get into the habit of being the one who has to do that all the time because he’ll start expecting it and I can’t stand it. I feel like I’m going to lose my mind again and its because the couch set me off to start. I’m also annoyed with myself because I’m not doing what I need to be doing to get this house right. My make up room is gros and I could easily do the dishes as well but I’m not.
I’m keeping score aren’t I? I’m refusing to do a certain thing until Aaron does a certain thing and I know in my head that I’m wrong.
I’m supposed to be the change I want to see in the world right? If I do it then he’s going to want to do it right? How do you deal with these emotions? I thought I got myself right but here I am stewing in a very negative place again and I feel like pulling up a blanket and a bag of popcorn. I feel like I want to wake Aaron up and start screaming at him for being a disgusting slob.
Aren’t I one too though? What am I doing to make this house look nice? Nothing. I haven’t mopped the floors in a long time and I haven’t ever cleaned the bathtub. I just feel like if we don’t come up with en equal plan for house chores then something is going to blow. We can’t keep going like this.
The way I feel can’t be fixed with positive thoughts. I’m pissed off because I don’t like the way this house looks and I’m not going to be the only one who deals with it. We need to have some type of family meeting to get this right.
I actually put our ice cube tray in his jacket sleeve because I refuse to fill it. He empties it and just leaves it on the counter.
I feel so mad this morning. I’m fucking furious and I’m not doing anything to fix it. What am I supposed to do? I already worked out for 30 minutes, I took a shower, I drank some water and I journalled but nothing is changing. I’m still pissed and I don’t know what to do about it other than watch a video or maybe even some funny animal videos. Maybe I can clean something too?
It’s only 5:30 AM so I do have lots of time to clean the kitchen but for some reason I won’t because I think he should. Honestly, I feel like something is wrong with me. I hate when I have anger in my soul like this. What is the solution?
Just keep moving and fix the things that are making me so mad? I might just clean the kitchen.
-Dawn Rochelle ♡
