Cold Turkey

I don’t know, this cold turkey thing really sucks. I wonder if I was smoking too much to stop the way I have? I’m considering buying one joint today. I know it’s not the best idea but I wonder if Dr. Amon is right when he says that it’s important to cut down instead of stopping right away. The only reason I’m thinking in that way is because I feel so sick so many times a day. It’s so bad that I come very close to puking. My whole body gets covered in sweat and I have to lay down to deal with it. I just got back from the grocery store and I was so worried it was going to happen in there; thankfully, it didn’t.

Another reason I’m concerned about the cold turkey method is the anger. It’s making me crazy. I literally fought with my partner the whole weekend. It was so bad I locked myself in my room for both nights while he slept on the couch.

My anger was exposed when I felt like he was disrespecting my time. The things is, he is always making me wait a long time before we can leave the house because he’s distracted by his computer. I started being more patient about it when I was smoking but now that I’m not I feel like a maniac. In the moment, I know I’m being over the top but I can’t seem to help it. Maybe it’s one addiction taking the place of the other. I drop one addiction and then the other one rears it’s ugly head.

I’m definitely not in a good place but I know it’s part of the process so I CAN keep going while I continue to get to know myself sober again. It’s been more 4 months since I’ve been completely sober; at least some of the time. So much gets done when you’re not smoking though. I’m cleaning the house more and staying on top of laundry. I even went to the grocery store this morning and I’m considering cutting up some trees in Mira today. I’m worried about being around people though because I don’t know who I’m going to be in Mira when I’m sober. I don’t want to be cranky with Mom and Dad.

If I’m being honest, I’m feeling really tired right now. I don’t know why because I thought I slept a lot yesterday. Is this another symptom? It’s funny that the last time I was going through detox I experienced a lot of sleepless nights and I experienced night sweats, but not this time. I’ve just been getting a bad case of nausea multiple times per day. It doesn’t last long but it definitely takes me out for a bit.

I love this website. It helps me out a lot and I hope it helps you too. If you’re struggling with an addiction today just know that I understand. It sucks. It’s hard. But, you’ll be happier when you’re on the other side.

You can do it. Protect your health. Do the work.