Do It First

Thats my new mantra. I never want to work out in the morning but I tell myself to do it anyway and do it first. I also give myself permission to to a half assed job but I haven’t yet. There’s something to the process of just getting up, putting on my workout clothes and walking to my workout area. It makes me do the work even though I don’t want to and sometimes I do it better than I give myself permission to.

The fat girl still living inside tries every morning to convince the fit girl to give up because she keeps saying that there’s no way she’ll ever succeed. I’m not going to let that voice win though. I know this is a huge expectation but I’m not going to make any more promises to myself that I can’t keep.

The fat girl keeps wondering how long the fit girl is really going to last. That’s the battle I want to fight and I want to fight on the right side. I’m curious and inspired now. I want to see if I can actually attain a fit body, a body beyond my wildest dreams.

If they say anything is possible when you believe it then I’m willing to do the work to test it out and I’m willing to take advice and do the things even if I think its kind of stupid like visualizing myself already having it. What I want is to reach my goal of having a belly that looks good sitting down and then improve from there. I want to be that girl.

Every day I have to do the mental work to shut the fat girl out so the fit one can gain more power. There’s a battle between two women inside of me every day in many different ways and it’s up to me to choose a side.

I choose the the fit girl and it might be helpful for me to think of it that way. If the movie Rebel Moon inspired me, it was because of the female fighters which I compare to my own internal battle every day. I want to be on the right side of history. If I choose the fat girl then my future success looks bleak. If I choose the fit girl I believe that the whole world is going to open doors for me.

I think the fit girl will achieve anything and everything. I believe she can rule the world; her own world of infinite possibilities filled with love and abundance in all areas and I think she’ll inspire others to do the same. To be honest, I’m not into speaking about myself in the third person but at the same time my thoughts have all these different versions of myself running around fighting for attention and I want to make sure I’m paying attention to one that’s going to be the most beneficial to my future self.

I feel like a nut saying that but I also know there’s truth to it. That’s what “they” say anyway and it’s something I’m consciously choosing to believe because it makes me feel better by giving me purpose and direction. Without that, I have nothing.

This is the case with my anger as well. I’m faced with daily moments in which I have to choose the person I want to be. Do I want to be the angry asshole who feels regret and shame for the way she treats the ones she loves or does she want to be a stoic badass who is tolerant of others and strict with herself?

I want to be the better person so I choose to be the stoic badass who gives love even when she doesn’t receive love. When my man speaks to me in a saucy tone because he can’t control his anger then I’m going to shoot back with love instead of shooting back with more saucy talk and threats; which is what I’ve been doing a lot of lately.

He gets the message when I hold a mirror up to his face but I think I can hold that mirror up in a better way and I also need to hold the mirror up to myself. When I point that mirror and I’m doing it with an angry tone and angry feelings then I hang on to how his anger made me feel for the rest of the day.

His anger turns into my anger. It’s something that has to be a daily intentional effort for me. I’m not going to get it perfect all the time but its a new promise I’m going to make to myself that I want to keep. I’m also going to be patient with myself by giving myself permission to mess up so that I have something to work on the following day.

Life is about growing. My mind is the soil and my actions are the plants. I want to make sure I’m tending the soil every day so that the internal roots are strong and healthy to ensure the creation of positive actions toward myself and others.

I watched Ed Mylett recently and he was talking about how some of us have to accept the fact that we’re the chosen ones. We’re always the ones doing it anyway and we’re doing it first. We say Merry Christmas first, apologize first, initiate conversation first, say I love you first, smile first, compliment first and so on. Sometimes this gets exhausting but we can’t give up.

We can’t hold resentment because we want to get it first for a change. We’re givers of light and we’re special because of it. Instead of holding on to resentment for never getting it back or never getting it first we have to acknowledge and accept that we’re born leaders, people need us and thats why we’re here.

Do it anyway, do it first. Don’t give up on being the better person because the moment you step up first with the expectation of getting something in return it all turns negative inside your head. You’re always looking for reciprocation and when you don’t get it you get lost in a negative tailspin of not being good enough.

Take a moment and remind yourself that you’re here for a reason and if you’re truly interested in personal development you’re always going to do it first because thats your job and people need you.

Be the light in the darkness because that’s when it’s needed most. Be the light you cannot see.

-Dawn Rochelle ♡