Success

I was watching Ed Mylett’s greatest episodes and he had Jason Derulo on one of them talking about success. I was really impressed because I had no idea he was such a great thinker, but then again, I don’t know anything about him other than the fact that he’s a pop star. Maybe he’s more than a pop star? I don’t know.

I’m pretty removed from music trends which is weird because I was into it for a long time and now I don’t really listen to it as much. I know what I like though, which is soul, and I love connecting to song writing and musical choices. I had never thought of myself as a creative before but the more I write the more I feel inspired to write better and in more varieties.

I admire the art of writing and I would like to build on that but I’m not sure where to start. I guess it’s here, I’m doing it.

“Do what you love every day and you’ll never work a day in your life.”

-Unknown

I hear that quote above a lot. I think everyone says it who’s actually making money doing what they love.

I wonder if I should take a writing class? Is is possible for me to become a successful writer? Of course it is, I just have to keep writing every day. Success is choosing a goal and then putting in the daily work and effort necessary to achieve it while also knowing that the work can never stop if you expect to maintain it.

Derulo said,

“Success is rented, not owned.”

He realized very early that you had to work every day to reach your goal and when you got there you had to keep working daily to pay your “rent.” It’s a necessary action to maintain what you’ve worked so hard to acquire.

Everyone keeps saying that happiness is in the process not the result. When you chase results you’re always wanting more while never feeling fulfilled. It’s about enjoying the experience of getting there with the people you admire and inspire.

When you focus on the end goal, it seems impossible to achieve. If you focus on daily wins, regardless of their size, you feel proud and when you feel pride you gain confidence. With that, you start believing that your dream is really possible. When you feel like the thing you want is possible and within your control you work harder and stay consistent with the daily habits that will lead you there. Keep in mind, visualize your end goal and feel the feelings you would have if you got it.

ugh…so much work right? All these steps and suggestions. I’m exhausted from implementing it all.

It’s supposed to get easier though right? If I keep doing the things every day?

Back to the podcast, I connected with the metaphor of paying your rent right away because I’ve achieved success with weight loss multiple times but I lost it because I stopped paying every time.

If I didn’t pay my mortgage I would lose my home and it’s the same with health. When I stopped eating clean and exercising I lost the ideal identity I held for myself. I don’t know what was going on in my head every time I’ve done that. Why would I think that if I stopped doing the work it took to lose the weight that I would still maintain the body I worked so hard to achieve? That’s insane to me.

I’ve been stuck in an insane mindset for so long. How did that happen and how could I be so dumb? Maybe it’s laziness?

Of course it is.

I achieved the success but I was still identifying with the fat girl so I reverted back to the behaviours of a fat girl. I think it was also cockiness. I was so confident in my new body and with my new clothes and the attention I received that I thought I was invincible and before I knew it, my clothes were too tight and I was blaming it on the washing machine.

Or, I would blame clothing brands for making their clothes too small. I would try a medium and when it didn’t fit I would call it a “small medium.” I wonder if clothing brands consider making their sizes larger than normal to make people feel better about themselves? Is this a thing? Is it cultural? Does a medium in North America look different than a medium in Asia?

It looks different depending on the store and the brand so maybe there is something to this marketing ploy I’m making up in my head. The fact remains, I’ve felt success so many times and it felt so great but I gave it all away because I wasn’t willing to put in the work to maintain it.

So many lost opportunities for feeling good about myself. I know from previous writing that it was because I was putting in the work for the wrong reasons. It was never for the benefit of my own health and happiness.

“Working hard for the acceptance of others has a time limit if you don’t accept yourself.”

-Dawn Rochelle ♡

Is that quote accurate? Does it make sense? I’m placing a lot of blame on myself which is well deserved but it’s not all my fault because I’ve never been taught to think about physical and mental health in the right way. It’s almost frustrating because I’ve been obsessed with self development for so long and have been reading and watching people I admire but it still didn’t click.

I think consistent writing and self reflecting brought me here and I’m so grateful for it. I’m grateful that other people have been guiding me and teaching me but I still have to put advice into practice so I can continue figuring it out for myself.

I didn’t pay my health rent today. I woke up this morning and I didn’t work out because I was drinking last night and I’m not feeling like doing it. I’m nervous it’ll make me sick but I’m going skating later and I’m promising myself that I’m going to go for a walk when the sun comes out.

I don’t necessarily have to do a weight workout every day but I am promising myself that I’m going to do 30 minutes of exercise. I’m actually looking forward to a walk. I know that I need variety as well so I’m purposely trying to change up my exercise routine even though I know that weighted workouts make me sweat the most and they don’t hurt my feet or make me feel uncomfortable with all the jumping and running around.

In the body I have right now, I have to find the workouts that make me feel the best and that’s weighted, standing workouts. I might browse some more options while I wait out this hangover.

As I was drinking with my friends last night, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was on the verge of giving up alcohol. I didn’t enjoy drinking the wine I had last night and I felt stupid drinking the way my friends were. I noticed I was asking myself why I would purposely drink to excess because I knew it was just going to make me sick.

To make matters worse, we played a drinking game and it was terrible. I’ve never been a big drinker but I wonder if this self development thing is going to make me want to stop doing that as well? Normally, I feel guilty about drinking because of the extra calories but last night night I felt guilty about how hard my body was going to have to work to get rid of it because, lets be honest, liquor is a poison and our bodies don’t want it. I might quit altogether, I don’t know. What I do know is that I definitely don’t want to binge drink anymore.

Success is going to look different for me as I make goals and reach them. Right now, my success payment is working out for 30 minutes a day doing an exercise of my choice and I’m choosing to do it in the morning so I don’t have to bargain with myself about it all day.

Right now, I’m regretting the choice to write first because I feel like something is missing. I may have started a habit loop already. It’s also my nature; when I know I have to do something I like to get it done early so it’s not hanging over my head. I don’t like that feeling of not being done. When I have a job to do, I feel unease in my body until the work is completed.

This is something I know about myself in relation to my job and my school work but I’ve never connected it to my health. I tell my students all the time that their job is coming to school to learn and prepare themselves as best they can for their future selves but I’ve never really reflected on my own personal development job and how I’m preparing for my future self.

We don’t stop preparing for our futures once we reach a career goal, we have to keep going.

Teaching was the career goal of my younger self. I’m someone new now and I have to find a new goal. Without purpose and something to strive toward, what do you have? Nothing.

My goal could be anything. It could be big like a new career or a new body or it could be small like walking on the spot for 5 minutes each day.

I think I’ve been in a place of stagnation with my health because I’ve never viewed it as a personal goal. I always reach my goals and I think it’s been hard for me to find a new one. I think I may have been in a slight depression because I haven’t been sure what my next goal was going to be.

I’ve done the work to become a teacher, I’ve travelled, I’ve bought a home, I found a great partner and now I don’t know what to focus on.

Why hasn’t my health been a goal from the beginning? It’s been a want but I’ve never done anything about it. Why hasn’t anyone taught me that the job of maintaining optimal physical and mental health is something we all have to work on every day?

I think I just unlocked a door within myself because I’ve felt trapped in my own anxiety for so long not really understanding why.

I think I’ve been stuck in an inaccurate understanding of health success for so long because success for me was having a goal, reaching it and then stopping.

When I got my education degree I had to go to school for a long time but when I got the degree I stopped learning because I reached the goal of getting a job in the career I chose. I went back to school again but only because more education meant more money. I’m currently taking another degree but I only took it again for the purpose of making more money as well. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that in this stage of my self development journey because I regret having the wrong mindset for so long. However, let’s reframe that; having the goal of making more money shouldn’t be something I’m embarrassed about. I met my goal of making more money twice with the added benefit of improving my skill set as well.

Just another example of putting myself down instead of lifting myself up. Writing down your thoughts really helps you become more aware of how you’re thinking. When you see it, you believe it.

I’m learning on my own that learning for the sake of learning is the reward in and of itself. It’s the process of learning and growing and attainting new thoughts and insights that develop your character.

After my first degree, I waited 10 years to do another one because I was afraid of the work. I didn’t want to do the hard thing necessary to improve myself. I didn’t think the work was worth the money. Wow, I got it all wrong. I’m just starting to value learning and I want to keep learning and pushing myself. I actually thought that because I had a job there was nothing else for me to do.

I love that I’m realizing that’s there’s so much more available to me and that I have more options than the same groundhog’s day routine of going to work every day, coming home, eating supper, watching mindless TV, going to bed and then repeat. My partner and I discuss our groundhog day routine all the time.

We know there has to be more to life and I think we’re finding it together, which is a beautiful thing.

When we focus on the actions necessary to becoming a better couple we’re shedding the old versions of ourselves and becoming something new and greater. We’re past the young adults who were striving for a career and a home and now we’re middle aged adults who are finding new passions and skills we want to develop.

I don’t want to go to work every day just doing the bare minimum to get my pay check. I want to go to work every day being the best version of myself as a teacher that I can possibly be.

I often get stuck in other people’s defeated attitude due teacher strikes, work to rule and COVID. A lot of people refuse to do more than we’re expected to do, myself included, but I don’t think that builds greatness. I’m seeing that greatness comes from being the best version of yourself in whatever you’re doing. I want to become the best version of myself as a teacher. I want to give my students what I was missed out on when I was going to school.

I just realized that I forgot my purpose for becoming a teacher in the first place which was to make sure kids didn’t feel as bad about themselves as I did when I was growing up. I didn’t have teachers in my life who built my confidence and showed me what my greatest gifts were.

I decided in grade 6 that I wanted to build kid’s confidence and lift them up every day in case no one else was. The sad reality, for many kids, is that no one is. I decided very early that I wanted to use my pain of never feeling good enough to help someone else. I’m in the perfect profession to do that but I’ve taken that for granted because of the people I surround myself with.

I push myself at work and I think I outwork most teachers in my field but I’ve been doing it for the wrong reasons. I’ve been working hard so people wouldn’t think less of me. I’ve been working hard to make adults lives easier, to stop the complaining because their complaints, in my mind, were a reflection of my “not good enoughness.”

If I’m a support teacher and teachers complain that they don’t have enough support then it must be my fault. Wrong. I’ve been working hard for the acceptance of my peers for too long and it needs to change. I chose this career to make a difference in the lives of the kids I’m teaching and I’m not focusing on that.

If I focus on my main mission then everything else will fall into place. Instead of trying to make other people happy, I need to make myself happy and that means making progress with the self esteem of the students I teach.

I think I have to write my teaching mission statement like Stephen Covey suggests. It might be beneficial.

I have to do to the work in all areas of my life to ensure success for my future self. I like this way of thinking about it. I’m a Capricorn so it’s in my nature to work hard and get the job done. Everyone knows they can rely on me to do the work and have it done early instead of on time so I’m going to take that quality I admire in myself and connect it to my physical and mental health.

It’s my job to take care of myself so I can keep finding more qualities I admire about me. I’ve never written or thought that before. I’ve never admired myself for anything and it feels really good that I was just able to say that about myself. I admire my work effort. I’ve been unconsciously wanting that validation from other people but it’s never hit home as much as it just did when I was able to say it to myself and know that I meant it.

I can and will outwork every person in the room and I’m going to keep doing it, especially with regard to my physical and mental health but I want to do it in all facets of my life. I want to outwork everyone and I want to make sure I’m doing it every day but not in a competitive or arrogant way.

In my mind, the only competition I have is myself. I want to see how good I can be because I’m learning that the sky is the limit for whatever I choose to be. The hardest part has been finding my new goal.

I think there was part of me that thought I was done having goals. How insane! Does everyone feel like this? Do we all think that goal setting stops after a certain age?

In the middle of all these thoughts floating around in my head I stopped and decided to just get it done. I knew if I didn’t, the negotiations would be happening in my head all day until I did something about it. I did a new 30 minute workout, I meditated for 5 minutes; which I still suck at this but I’m improving, I spent the 5 minutes visualizing my ideal body and all the things I would do within that new fit girl identity and I wrapped it up with another 5 minute meditation on all the things I was grateful for. Then, I took a hot shower and it felt so good.

I didn’t believe this would happen but I think I’ve finally gotten to the point where I think this is working.

-Dawn Rochelle ♡