Love Action

I’m tired of writing about the things I’m not doing and how angry I am. I’m tired of writing that “I’m not there yet.”

I went back through all of my posts so far just to edit and check in for changes and I am so annoyed. No wonder I’m not making progress. All I talk about is my anger, my addictions and the fact that I’m not there but I’m on the path. How pathetic.

I’ve read and listened to enough people to know what I have to do. I know it’s not about my why, it’s about action. I’m taking action. I’m exercising for 30 minutes every day and I’m fasting until at least 11AM. Those are really good things and when I’m working I fast every day until 3PM.

The biggest change in me recently is exercise. I’ve been avoiding it for so long but now it’s becoming part of my daily routine. I came up with something easy for me to follow and something I knew I could stick to.

Let me tell you about my exercise. I’m only moving my body in 5 minute increments throughout the day until I accumulate 30 exercise minutes.

I set my apple watch to “indoor walk” and I do random movements with 2 lb weights. My combination of movements usually includes walking on the spot with weights, squats, cross punches, cross kicks, walking up and down the stairs, modified jumping jacks and then I repeat. Well, I hate repeats so I usually do 5 different movements for one minute each and if I’m feeling extra lazy then I walk on the spot.

You know what else I do every day? I journal. I have 5 prompts to respond to. Why was yesterday great? How could I have made it better? How am I going to make today great? What am I grateful for? What is today’s affirmation?

The two things I want to try to incorporate more are meditating and visualizing. If I do that more I’m practicing getting myself into the feeling place of having a fit body and my dream home.

Another thing I want to challenge myself with is giving myself daily challenges with food. I want to practice depriving myself on purpose. For example, only eating oatmeal and berries for supper and nothing else.

I know that sounds insane but the stoics practiced deprivation all the time to help them practice self control.

The thing is, my town is currently in a state of emergency because we had a major snowstorm and school and businesses have been shut down for a week. I’m using this time at home to write, learn and grow. I love that about myself. It’s just another thing I’m doing well. Instead of watching mindless TV I’m watching inspiring podcasts and reading educational books.

I’m not sure if you noticed but I’m trying to show myself some self love in my writing. I’m trying to focus on the positive things I’m doing because it’s a lot. I can’t believe how often I accidentally revert back to being negative. It’s a conscious effort to keep it positive.

Joe Dispenza said,

“Most people cling to suffering instead of possibility.”

I’m clinging to complaining instead of celebrating. I keep putting myself down on a regular basis expecting for something to change. I have to change.

“I’m waiting on my weight again.”

I’m expecting to be happy when I lose the weight thats holding me down physically and mentally. I’m angry and down on myself because I’m not fit yet. I don’t want to work out until I lose some weight because it sucks to feel my fat jiggle. I can’t wait though, I have to do the work even though it’s uncomfortable. If I stay in the suffering of feeling bad about myself I’ll continue to do the things keeping me here but if I stay in the suffering of feeling my fat jiggle when I work out I’ll get to a point where my fat doesn’t jiggle anymore. Easy choices make me depressed and hard choices make me feel good. Interesting, that’s why the experts suggest doing the hard thing first. Hard things lead to rewards and easy things lead to consequences.

I don’t even have to make the hard things that hard in the beginning. Working out is the hardest thing for me to accomplish right now so I’m going to make it as easy as possible. I’m only going to work out for 5 minutes and I’m not going to make myself do anything more.

I’m going to focus on how I’m doing with the small things I like doing now that are making positive changes as well. For example, meditating, journalling, controlling my emotions, practicing self control, following through with my commitments and reading educational books.

I have to give myself more “high five’s” for those things and I have to remember to give myself high 5’s in the first place. I still didn’t write that sticky note on the mirror.

My negative writing focus in my previous posts is bringing me down and it’s making me live inside unworthiness. I had this moment in class the other night when my professor asked us to identify 3 words we don’t say to our students enough. I wrote, “try that again,” in the chat but I didn’t hit send because no one else was writing anything like that. Most others were writing, “I’m so proud,” or “keep it up.” When I saw what the majority of people were writing I erased my example and decided not to participate.

After about 5 minutes of guessing, the professor posted the correct answer, “figure it out.”

I know mine wasn’t the same but I was on the right track. I was so disappointed in myself. I shouldn’t be scared to give an answer at this point in my life. It makes me so upset that I’m still carrying the belief that I’m not good enough around with me. Will it ever go away?

“Being happy isn’t about feeling happy, it’s about feeling everything.”

-Glennon Doyle

I know it felt like shit when I realized I was on the right track but didn’t believe in myself enough to try, however, that feeling settled inside of me and I made the decision to always try. How are we ever going to get better if we don’t fail first?

Another action I have to work on is self training. I want to train myself to sit and meditate and visualize with feelings. I still feel dumb doing it and I get extremely antsy but it’s something a lot of people recommend so there mush be some truth to it.

I want to practice being like Jim Carey when he played Andy Kaufmann and completely took on his identity to the point in which he lost himself. I know that’s extreme but I want to practice having the thoughts and beliefs of a fit girl.

It’s not the thing you want that’s important. It’s the emotion behind having the thing that we’re all chasing. Work on feeling the emotion regardless of how silly you feel about it.

Did you know that just becomming an observer of your thoughts makes you a programmer of your thoughts? How cool is that. The more you become aware the more you can direct and start creating the life you want.

Here’s a hard truth now,

“Change requires becoming uncomfortable.”

-Joe Dispenza.

I want to remember this fact the next time I’m thinking about doing something I normally love doing; a bad habit if you will. It’s not easy to forego the cookies, the candy and the chips but if I can exercise enough control to sit that discomfort out, then and only then, will I be on the way to the success I’m looking for in my health.

I’d like to leave with one more quote promoting visualization with feeling:

“Your body is the unconscious mind and it doesn’t know the difference between a real event or a made up one. If you feel like you have the thing now, your body will believe it now.

-Joe Dispenza

-Dawn Rochelle ♡