Regress

I’m in a bad place this morning because I’ve regressed and I can’t seem to forgive myself and move past it. I went to bed last night at 5:30 PM because I was feeling so anxious and disappointed in myself. I made the right choice in destroying the things that were holding me back from reaching my goals like weed, chips and chocolate but I wasn’t able to forgive myself and move on.

I was feeling moody so I had to isolate myself to ensure I wouldn’t take it out on my partner. He checked on me a few times but I’m so grateful that he respected my needs by giving me space. I’m sure he’s sick of this pattern I keep repeating because I’m so sick of it as well. It’s the shame and disappointment making me feel so low.

It’s up to me now to accept my mistakes and promise myself that I’m going to do better. I’m sitting here in my workout clothes thinking it might make me want to workout but I know I’m not going to because I’m not strong enough mentally to do the hard things that will guarantee success.

I feel pathetic and I know I just have to face the discomfort to get through this but I don’t want to feel my gut getting in the way of my workout. That’s the worst part for me right now. I hate when I let myself get to the point where my body fat gets in the way of movement and I hate accepting that it’s my own fault.

Life is filled with uncontrollable things that I can’t do anything about but I can control how I feel about myself by controlling the health of my body. That’s where all this mental anguish is coming from. I’m in this place because I let myself go for a long time and it’s up to me to get out of it. No one likes working out and no one likes to choose veggies over chips and chocolate but the successful people do it anyway.

What I’m learning is that success in one area of your life builds success in other areas. It seems like the more you win the more you keep winning and when you lose, which is inevitable, you’re better equipped to deal with it because of the strength you’ve acquired from consistent discipline in building your character every day.

Sometimes, when you feel like shit, you just need to isolate yourself and allow yourself to grieve for a minute until you get yourself right.

I knew in my head what I needed to do but I couldn’t seem to get out of the funk I was stuck in. I don’t know that it’s possible to always think yourself happy when you’re as low as I was. Sometimes you just need time to fix it, and for me, that was almost a whole day.

When you’re in a really low place, don’t give up, just give yourself the space you need to feel your feelings knowing that tomorrow will be a better day.

-Dawn Rochelle ♡